Most people are so afraid of jealousy. I always hear how it is wrong and should never be felt or acknowledged. They try to squash it, then wonder why it comes roaring back up, biting everyone around them. Some more literally than others:
I’ve never been one to see it the way others do. In fact, when asked I used to say that I don’t think I had ever really experienced jealousy. Then people started talking about how to use jealousy in one’s life for good. That was when I realised that I have always just used it to create what I wanted in my life.
For whatever reason, I always felt jealousy as “I have this want for something” and was then looking for “How can I get one myself?” or something even better. Over the last few years, I have been repeatedly told by many that this is nuts, and they would never be able to do that themselves. Yet when they have been able to shift their jealousy this way, they start loving what it is bringing them so much more.
If I see Robin checking out a beautiful woman I check her out myself and feel how much more his desire is to make out or have sex after with me. I get the benefits of his turn on and passion. He will gladly tell you that I get way more jealous of his computer and work when he is focusing on that and I am feeling ignored or not full from his attention. As long as I feel full and loved, I could care less how much time he spends on his work and computer.
I absolutely love when he gets jealous. When we first were getting to know one another, another man came over and spoke with me and Robin started circling from a distance and he was getting so ferocious about it. The thing is, unlike previous partners, he sees it as him getting turned on and desiring to play with me more, not wanting to hurt the other man in any way. Even if I feel attraction for another man, I know I desire to be with Robin and it turns me on to feel the desire from other men along with Robin’s desire and jealousy.
Neither of us use each other’s jealousy to hurt the other. I have seen couples do this and it can end up causing very serious breakdowns within the relationship. It is one thing to feel your partner’s jealousy and just let them feel it, and quite another to evoke it to hurt them and create damage in the relationship. The exception is if you have an agreed upon container in which to work on this beforehand and, yes, this is always an option.
How do you relate to your jealousy? Have you shifted it to being fuel in your life for going after the things you desire or do you waste it and become resentful? How would you like to shift your relationship with the ugly green monster? Are you using it to lay wasteland to your relationships?