Relationships have always fascinated me. The beginnings can be so tedious, learning to move and dance the same way as the new partner. Many feet are stepped on during this process until you find a groove that works for both of you or you walk away. They can be so playful and fun. Many enjoy this part and are uninterested in going deeper as it is all they are willing to reveal.

If you choose to go deeper, the armour we carry around starts to fall off. Some will only drop select pieces very slowly, while others will drop it all quickly, recognising that the one that becomes the most vulnerable first is the one that leads. This individual can be quite impatient with the one who drops off one piece of armour at a time, not realising that they are well-matched simply because of this difference.

At some point, one of the two is triggered. If unconsciously walking through life, then they don’t see how it is something coming up from their past trying to heal. We love to pretend that we do not call into our lives people who remind us of others who hurt us, but we do that so that we can heal those old wounds and get free. Your partner is mirroring you, many times bringing up the things that you do not want to look at or embrace, because that would mean embracing parts of you that you do not love. For many, this is the spot of death for the relationship, as they refuse to look at this spot inside them. Then they seek another person to start a new dance again and again, and end up in this same spot repeating this pattern over and over.

If, instead, in this spot they let their ego die instead of the relationship, then they burn in the engulfing fire like the phoenix and both they and their relationship is reborn. They learn a new dance together, building on what they knew before. If they look at it, a piece of them has shifted and they drop off the old story that just wanted to be set free. Their ability to love themselves and others deepens.

This evolution from the dance to the death and the rebirth, with or without the phoenix, occurs over and over in our lives with all of our relationships, whether with family, friends, children, or partners. It is both incredibly painful and nourishing.

But there are those with which ties need to be severed. Those individuals are ones who do not honour healthy boundaries within the relationship. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes the learning space goes as far as it is meant to and the appropriate thing is to walk away, as it is what honours both of you and the relationship you had the most. That is totally okay and beautiful as well.

How do you play within the birth, dance, growth, death, rebirth, and becoming the phoenix?