Soldiering on Through

For most of my life, when my body says “No more!,” I have pushed past and soldiered on through. The past few years I have been working diligently to shift this, and remember that my body is there to tell me what the next right next step is. It will, when I choose to listen to it.

This semester I enrolled with Robin in a speed Norwegian class where you learn both levels 1 & 2 in the same semester. At first it felt good and fun. There I started feeling frustrated and falling behind on the homework as there was so much to do. Memorising the words was just not happening. I could figure out what most meant when said to me, but could not answer back in Norwegian.

Last week I hit a wall. The teacher asked me a question and I drew a complete blank. This is when I started seeing that I had hit a really steep wall. I was full. “Barely able to walk after eating Thanksgiving dinner” type of full. Since then, I have been mulling over staying in the class, or dropping it and taking the slower version next semester while continuing to work on the lessons and memorising vocabulary.

I have been walking through, “I’m getting this course for free and I should just power through,” “Giving up is SO weak,” “If I just push myself a bit harder…” Last night I finally felt my fullness and that my body wanted time to digest before taking in any more meals of Norwegian. I told Robin I’m dropping out for the rest of the semester. I want to take the slower version next semester, or he could keep working with me to teach me at a slower pace, and then I could re-take the faster version again next semester.

All of the sudden my desire to write came back today, and the depression I had been feeling disappeared. I also have a desire to clean and do other things again, which I have not had since the class began as I have felt overwhelmed. I have been attempting to force myself with everything and I have been learning that this method no longer serves me, as the more I try to force, the bigger the backlash from my body, and so nothing gets accomplished. I am not referring to the final push to complete a project, but to an overall resistance that starts permeating other areas of your life. Here are a few questions that I have for pondering:

  • What does soldiering through really bring you in your life?
  • Do you find it to be useful or does it hold you back from what you are wanting?
  • What is the backlash you experience when you try to force your body to do things it does not want to?
  • If there was another way, would you be willing to try it?
  • What would it mean to actually listen to exactly what your body wanted as your next step in every arena in your life?

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