Setting Up the Nest

In the practice of Orgasmic Meditation (OM), one of the steps is setting up the nest. This nest is the physical set-up (yoga mat, blanket, pillows, etc.) in which you and a partner actually come together to do the partnered practice. Below is a sample picture of what a nest can look like. The amount of pillows is based on what is required for comfort of both individuals. (The cat is not part of the actual practice and completely optional.) Setting up the nest can be a very tumescing situation, as it is done right before the OM. Sensation can become very high even for seasoned OMers.

Boris in the Nest by Jennie Adams
Boris in the Nest by Jennie Adams

Yesterday we had our first OM training with a coach in quite a while. Even though I have practiced Orgasmic Meditation for over 3.5 years at this point, it is funny what comes up and how I continually forget to see that the things coming up are elsewhere in my life. As you do one thing, so you do everything, right?!

Typically I am completely relaxed and comfortable with my partner setting up the nest and just asking for adjustments, when necessary for comfort. The last few months I have wanted & pushed for adjusting pillows and such myself. Since I screwed up my shoulder a couple of months ago, it has made it very difficult & takes longer for me to find comfortable positions in any situation. I did not realize what I was doing until afterwards. Robin actually nailed me when we were getting situated one day.

Why was I not just asking for adjustments? I started off doing that, and then even what I was asked for wasn’t right, so I felt like I needed to just figure it out myself. The discomfort was enough that I felt like I should just get it handled. Apparently old habits die hard! Surrendering and allowing others to handle me has been my space of growth for the last 1.5 years, and I am still continually learning more about where I resist.

As soon as everything feels good, I have had no problems surrendering and being present through the OM. That does not mean that I never check out (I am human), but that when I do I soon come back present and focus without shaming or whacking myself for becoming distracted. My OMs have shifted significantly over the last year. For my first 2.5 years of the practice I spent almost all of every OM in climax, and skipped all of the other stages of orgasm almost completely. My life was doing the same. Nothing like extreme chaos to shift out everything that is no longer serving you! Now I feel all of the nuances of each stage and even the subtlest of strokes – both in my life and in my OMs.

This thought – “just get past the tumescence” – has also been showing up in the setting up of our business and launching our website. I have just wanted to get the rails put in place and make the launch happen. Normally I thoroughly enjoy the creating and building of things, but recently I just want them handled. I just want to yell, “get on with it already!!” My body keeps saying, “just get past this part and it will get into flow!”

Yet, I know deep down that this is the spot where we learn how to get into flow together. Both of us stop going off and doing our own things and come into the nest ready for the next step. Until this step is handled where we both feel good, we cannot move on to the next step, as this is our nest. We both need to feel comfortable for the next piece. I can tell we are fighting over who is the stroker and who is the strokee right now.

My masculine is trying to handle his feminine and his feminine does not like the way my masculine is trying to handle her, as his feminine is not feeling that there is enough structure to the nest to move forward. Perhaps it is because the nest is feeling stark, like there should be more pillows. I am feeling that as well, but I also feel that If we do not start moving this piece forward, that the next piece feels stagnant.

This is an incredible learning space for both of us to grow from as we have very different ways of creating and implementing. It is also a space where we can relate to others going through similar ones and work with them to navigate through it as well.

How do you handle tumescence in your life and getting things situated with others so it feels good for both of you, whether it is in your family, friends, dating relationships, or work? Do you see similar patterns or frustrations in multiple situations?

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