Dogs and Lammas by Jennie Adams
Dogs and Lammas by Jennie Adams

Failure is such a chargy word. I prefer “I fucked up!” Thanks Robert Kandell for that gem! Why? When I say it out loud with my arms in the air just like Rob taught, I just feel better. It makes space for me to make any adjustments and change my ways too, instead of being stuck in shame or discomfort on what to do next. If you are wondering about the picture, it is my dogs running up to a bunch of Lammas thinking they could tell them what was what then figuring out they were the little ones in the argument and running off as they fucked up. There was zero chance of them being able to take on a herd of Lammas.

I used to be one who could not accept failure, so I would work my tail off to fix it instead of owning my screw up and asking for help if I needed it. In fact, this inability to ask for help jeopardized a job that I had which, at the time, I thought was my dream job. My first month there at this new accounting position, my computer kept freezing, locking up, and crashing every 1-2 hours during the incredibly busy week of close. All of my files became corrupted and had to be fully rebuilt from scratch as well. I’m not referring to a single or couple of Excel spreadsheets, but files with 20-25 sheets in them that I ended up rebuilding from scratch that had worked for years.

It felt like everything I touched turned to sand. I just poured more and more time in trying to make everything work. What I should have been doing was asking for help instead. What would I do differently now?

  • Ask for help with my computer the second time it failed
  • Ask for more help from co-workers
  • Work more closely with my manager to correct the problem
  • Be in approval of myself when I make mistakes

The funny part is, if this failure had not occurred I would never have opened up space for this to happen:

Robin and Jennie Wedding Ceremony by Peter Palm from
Robin and Jennie Wedding Ceremony by Peter Palm from

To this day, I would still be living in Austin trying to make myself fit instead of letting go and following my desire to live with Robin and having an incredible life. This picture reminds me exactly how much I am loved and adored along with that I made the right choice to let go and allow the world unfold in front of me.

I still find that I have a hard time asking others for help sometimes, but I am improving every day in this arena by owning out loud when, “I fucked up!” As soon as I say it those around ask if there is anything they can help me with and I feel both vulnerable and safe enough to say yes or no.

How do you relate to you fucking up or failing at something? Are you able to connect with the gem of it, or do you start trying to force things?

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